"My parents and relatives didn't give me permission to become what I am now. But what can I say, it comes from my heart, therefore, I'm still doing it."
Aurel was, in a way, the beginning of this project for me. When I took the first photo of her feminine body, I realized this was the story I wanted to tell.
Aurel had arrived in Jakarta with her friend, Chacha, 6 months before I was connected with her group of "Waria". She is twenty-three years old and the youngest of five children from an island called Sulawesi. From a young age, Aurel felt feminine, "I thought, I want to be a woman. In elementary school that feeling was already inside me. I just followed what my heart said." After graduating from Junior High, Aurel started taking hormone injections to grow breasts but has since had to stop because her beautiful long hair started falling out as a side effect, "I didn't want to give up because I want to be pretty."
When I asked if she could go back home, Aurel said, "I can't. If I want to go home, I go to my grandma's house. Not to my parents. My mother has accepted me, but my father hasn't given me permission yet. My mother was understanding. She wouldn't let me get hurt if my father hit me. If there was just my father around, I always avoided him."
Aurel has been on the street for six years (since the age of 16), and has suffered physical and emotional abuse. While working one night in Makassar, she was shot in the stomach by some "naughty" rich boys who were driving by, randomly shooting people (sexworkers). Aurel's friend died from the attack, and Aurel was in a coma for a month. She is left with a long scar that runs the length of her stomach as a reminder. Aurel and her friends make light of her scar, as she would live to be a woman and be pregnant, so she jokingly boasts that this is her caesarean scar.
After Aurel's traumatic attack, she did not want to go back to the street, but she had to for economic reasons, "I often buy treatments to be feminine; I want this or that. I don't have any money, and I want to have a job." When asked about finding a different job, she said, "Yes, I have tried, but I am shy. Who wants to accept us with our condition like this? Transgender is not a status. I am shy because people make fun of me. The discrimination is still high."
Aurel's beauty helps her attract between 5-8 clients a night, each paying approximately $100. She describes always being honest with her clients about being transgender, "It is identification. It is better to be honest than to have someone find out later. That's not feeling good, right?" She also has a boyfriend, who is married to a woman and has a child, but is open with his wife about his ongoing relationship with Aurel.
One of the biggest impressions I am left with after my time with Aurel is how she has the ability to not be downtrodden by her difficulties. She leaves her challenges behind and goes on. She lives, and she dreams, "I dream to have a husband and take care of my children, just to have a family..."
